This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
