I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
