is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
