is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
