opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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