Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
