1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
