Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
