just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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