I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
