he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
