You surviving the open bar?
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im drinking this country out of the recession.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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