the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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