how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
