Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
