Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
