i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
