idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
