those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I deserve this hangover.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
