I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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