Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
