I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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