I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
