i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
