You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
