Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
