You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
