so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
