Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
