I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
