i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize