I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
