just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
