dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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