my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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