It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
