JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
