she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize