You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
