You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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