I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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