I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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