I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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