I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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