I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
