I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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