Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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