I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
