am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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