Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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