i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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