You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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