bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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