dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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