I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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