Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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