This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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