So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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