the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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