On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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