i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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