dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
