Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
