Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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